Today Morning...

For the last few months, our life has been extremely challenging. I am struggling between the excitement of new life as I carry and nurture my son in my womb and the heartbreaking emotions of losing a loved one as I slowly watch my partner's mind and body be captivated by death.  Lately, it's been nothing short of torturous for both of us.  She stopped communicating verbally a few days ago. Once in a while she can get a "no" or a grunt out to indicate when she DOESN'T want something, but questions with yes answers are a guessing game. "Do you need to use the bathroom?" -- blank stare. "Squeeze my hand if you want to use the bathroom." -- grunt. "Lets just get up and try to use the bathroom then, honey. If you can go, great, and if not, its no big deal."  --tears. Pause. Stop asking for a minute. Repeat, using different words... Finally, I get her up, and on the potty, and boom. She uses the bathroom.  (I knew it.) I suppose I

I think I know how prisoners on death row feel. When you or someone you love is given a timeline, you are forever changed.  You don't want to take a single breath; minute; moment for granted.  You want to live as long as you can. My beautiful, talented, giving, energetic, selfless, loving, one-of-a-kind girlfriend was given 2-6 months to live.  Cancer. Cancer is taking over her body and it has taken over every bit of our lives. It has taken the innocence of tomorrow away from us. I can't believe this is where we are today, when she was JUST DIAGNOSED last August. Every time she makes the slightest movements in the morning, I inhale deeply. I feel the oxygen as it moves through my lungs and distributes itself through every part of my body. Then, I feel the urge to let go of that deep breath and can envision the carbon dioxide molecules just pouring out of my body as tears glide down the side of my face. Thank you God, for another day. Is this our new normal or will we ever be